Ai no Tame Ni Kazuha
by Valerie Chow
Summary: Kazuha is facing a very important decision in her life regarding her relationship with Heiji and by the end of their trip to Tokyo that decision will be made. Unfortunately, Heiji doesn't know it yet.


Title: Ai No Tame Ni Kazuha--A Detective Conan Fanfiction

By: Valerie Chow (yeohk@pacific.net.sg)

Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply

Feedback: Please send all feedback to yeohk@pacific.net.sg The more the merrier. Please? *pleading look*

Warnings: Slight language. 

Author's notes: This is my entry for Lady Orla's Fanfiction Competition. ^_^ I got the title from a very good friend of mine, Carla. It means Love for Kazuha, or Love in the Interest of Kazuha. Thanks Carla! Heh. As you gathered, I like the title very much. ^_^  A side note here: I got inspired by a couple of fics as I was writing this, and I think the influence sort of popped up in certain parts. Notable mention is the 'Moments of Haven' series by Jei. Okay, enough talking. On with the fic!

                                                ------------------------------

            We had another fight just before we boarded the plane.

            This time, it was about the amount of luggage I was bringing to Tokyo. 

            It seems as if that is all we ever do nowadays. 

            Fight. Sulk. (Him, not me) Cold War. Then I see him with this really repentant look on his face and all the anger I had against him disappears. And trust me. Hattori Heiji is _not_ easily repentant. 

            Why me?

            Sometimes he can be really sweet to me, like getting me this really hard to find CD that he knows I like and couldn't find. He turned up one day on my doorstep with it. Another time was when he knew I really wasn't feeling very well but still went to work. When I got off from work, he was there, at the entrance of my workplace with his motorcycle to fetch me home so I do not need to brave the rigors of public transport. Or the time when I was feeling down because of some things and he surprised me with lunch and then a trip to the carnival to cheer me up even when I knew he was busy with a case. Small little things like that. 

            All these seem to show that he _does_ care a bit for me. But these instances are few and far between. Other times, he just seems to take me for granted. Or treats me just like an older sister or something. Or maybe just a close friend. I never knew how he felt about me. He never made a move on me. Never did anything that indicated that he _wanted_ our relationship to progress further.  Which is making me very frustrated.

            Why me?

            When I was younger, it hadn't seemed so important that he had to show that I mean more to him than others. I was contended just to be a special friend to him. That and to make sure no other girls came closer to him than me. But now? Maybe it was age. Maybe it was a feeling of insecurity, but I now hope, no _want_ something more permanent, some kind of proof or sign that he felt something more for me than just a friend. A sign he just doesn't seem to want to give. 

            I suppose I have myself only to blame. Out of the millions of available men out there in the world, I just _had_ to fall for him. Without him ever showing any signs that he cared for me _that_ way.  

            Why me?

            My girlfriends all think I am nuts for putting myself into this kind of situation. That I should bail out when I still have the chance. And the 'goods', to put it crudely.  You _are_ twenty-eight this year you know Kazuha-chan? My pesky relatives, especially those on Okaa-san's side, are all asking me when I am getting married whenever I see them. Or press me to meet up with this 'Nice young man whom I know with a good stable job and a very nice house.' In fact, the entire universe seems to be hell bend on getting me hitched. Except him.

            Why me?

            Perhaps the only person that can understand why I am still placing my hopes on someone who doesn't seem to care would be Ran-chan. After all, she did the same thing.  She waited for Kudo-kun for years before he came back to her. No matter what anybody said, she waited. Because she believed he would come back to her. And he did. 

            I amend my earlier statement. Ran-chan placed her hopes on someone who does care for her. I am placing my hopes on someone who doesn't seem to care for me. 

            Enough of this. It is not the time to be wallowing in self-pity.  The plane is landing soon and if Ran-chan sees me like this, she will know something is wrong. I laugh softly to myself. If Kudo-kun even allows her to come to the airport to meet us that is. 

            He seems to be extra protective of her these days, or so Ran-chan complained to me over the phone a few days ago.  Too over protective. She says she is going to scream soon if he continues to wrap her up in cotton wool and whatnots. And there are still TWO MORE WEEKS till the end of this. Not allowing her to carry heavy things or do any housework.  Not allowing her to leave the house without him in attendance. Heck, she was surprised he even let her leave her bed! She's going NUTS! So can Kazuha and Heiji PLEASE come over for a stay? That way, maybe Heiji can distract Kudo-kun from her for a while. She hadn't sounded too hopeful though.  

            I asked her why isn't Mouri-san or Kudo-kun's parents helping her keep him distracted. There was a long silence. Then came Ran-chan's incredulous voice over the phone. Do I _think_ her father is any better than Shinichi? 

            I had laughed then and agreed to be in Tokyo soon with Heiji in tow to prevent her from killing her husband before their baby was even born. 

Yes. Ran-chan is happily married to Kudo-kun; or is as happy as she can be in her current condition with a worried husband hovering over her. They have been married for five years and this is their first baby. It was no wonder that Kudo-kun was worried, but I hadn't expected him to carry things _this_ far. I don't really know him that well; Heiji knows him far better, but from what I know of him, he was always very calm and collected, capable of handling any crisis that came his way. Aside from events involving his wife of course. It's really sweet now that I think of it. After all, if he didn't love Ran-chan, he wouldn't be so worried over her. When I pointed this out to Ran-chan, she snorted and muttered something about wishing he didn't love her this much and that he was lucky _she_ loved him so much or he would have been dead a long time ago. 

I had this weird feeling at the pit of my stomach when I heard her say this. Sometimes, I really don't get Ran-chan. Was it that bad to have the one you love love you so much that he worries over your well-being every second of the day? Granted, it may be annoying to be cosseted as much as Ran-chan seems be, but still, it must be nice…I broke off my musings as the announcement came over the com for us to fasten our seatbelts as the plane was going to land.

I snuck a look at Heiji beside me. He was pointedly looking out of the window, ignoring me. Fine! If he still wanted to play this kind of childish games, it's FINE BY ME. See if I care. 

The trip through the customs and luggage claim was conspicuously silent. 

"Oi! Kudo! Its good to see you again!" The minute we stepped into the arrival hall, Heiji started to wave frantically at a tiny figure in the distance. A figure that rapidly dissolved into the familiar form of one Kudo Shinichi, the Great Detective of the West. 

Tall and dressed in his usual blue slacks, shirt and jacket, with neatly combed hair, he seems the same as always. Until you look closer and see the sparkle in his blue eyes and that slight jump in his step.  That and the slightly goofy grin on his face. I suppress a smile. He won't appreciate being laughed at. Besides, it's kind of sweet in a way. Heiji however, doesn't have my restrain.

"Looking good Kudo! Do you know you have this smirk on your face? How are Neechan and the baby doing?"

Did I mention Heiji has no sense of preservation?

Kudo-kun scowled briefly at Heiji before turning to me with a smile. "Kazuha-san. It's nice to see you again. Ran is looking forward to seeing you. Here, let me get that." He reached for the bag I'm carrying. Heiji has his own duffle bag and another two of mine. And contrary to his opinion, three bags of clothes and stuff for a two-week stay are _not_ too much. Wearing the same clothes over three days _will_ smell, no matter what guys say. I don't want to even _think_ about his underwear. 

I handed over my bag to Kudo-kun with a slight smile. "It's good to see you again too. How's Ran-chan doing?"

Kudo-kun grimaced. "I told her to stay at home while I came to fetch you guys. She argued with me about it for half hour and then told me to get my butt out of the house and go to the airport before she kicks me out. THEN she screams at me to 'COME BACK HERE! Don't leave me alone with OTOU-SAN!' " Kudo-kun rolled his eyes and grinned. "I figured I had better run at that point." 

I laughed. I couldn't help it. Poor Ran-chan. Kudo-kun was already bad enough, but her father? I wonder if the house would still be standing when we reached it. Or if Ran-chan had already destroyed it out of fury. 

Others may think I'm joking, but they have never seen her kick a door down or smash windows with her bare hands. When she is not angry. Well, not very at least. Now add to that the fact that she is very pregnant and very emotional. 

            I shuddered. Then I hinted to Kudo-kun that perhaps it would be a good idea for us to hurry home. He wasn't an idiot. He got my point exactly. You would be surprised at how fast a good driver can speed in Tokyo without getting caught. I remember Ran-chan telling me once about Kudo-kun's mother's crazy driving skills. I think he inherited that from her if nothing else. 

            We entered his house to deafening silence. Kudo-kun frowned slightly. It was quiet. Too quiet. I think he was expecting to come back to a house with a near-dead father-in-law and a slightly crazy wife or something. 

            "Please have a seat while I go and see where Ran is," he indicated the sofa in the living room. He placed my bag on a side table and disappeared into a side room.

            I seated myself on one chair. As far away as Heiji's chair as I could.

Another long pause where we didn't say anything. This was getting repetitive. Not to mention annoying. I hoped Ran-chan and Kudo-kun would come back soon.

                                                  ------------------------------------

            "…I was just in the kitchen preparing tonight's dinner!" I heard Ran-chan long before I saw her. She was…well, a bit loud. A low soothing voice cut her off and then the two of them came into view.

            "Kazuha-chan!" Ran-chan's eyes lit up and she waddled over towards me awkwardly, refusing her husband's offer of assistance. I smiled and walked the last few steps towards her to prevent Kudo-kun from blowing a vein in worry. As I tried to hug her with her big tummy between them, I suddenly felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Oh Ran-chan. You don't know how much I was looking forward to seeing you again. I could feel tears filling my eyes as the last few weeks of stress finally became too much and quickly closed my eyes. Ran-chan seemed to understand something was wrong, but she didn't press me for which I am grateful.

Behind me, I heard Kudo-kun ask Heiji, "I hope you don't mind us having steamboat for dinner tonight. Ran is not allowed to cook for the moment. Besides, with so many people coming for dinner, it would be easier to prepare."

            Ran-chan shifted and I let go. There was a slightly teasing look in her eye as she faced her husband. "That and the fact that steamboat is the only thing you can prepare." She winked at me. I blinked away my tears and tried to smile. 

            Heiji grinned wickedly as Kudo-kun blushed slightly. He probably thought he found another area where he could tease his friend about. "Where did Otou-san go?" Kudo-kun tried to change the subject.

            "Oh, I sent him out for more food and some desert," Ran grimaced, looking at Kudo-kun. "Don't think I have forgiven you for leaving me alone with him in the house." Kudo-kun sighed. Plainly, he was hoping she had forgotten about it. "Then I told him that since he was on the way, he might as well go and pick up Okaa-san before coming back." Ran-chan's expression turned smug. Even after all these years, she still hadn't given up on getting her parents back together. The baby was just the excuse she needed for throwing the two of them together as much as possible.  I wonder if it was working. 

                                                  ------------------------------------

            Dinner was a relatively quiet affair, even with the eight of us. Ran-chan's parents, in an effort to try not to antagonize their daughter, hadn't argued at all and were in fact, conversing quietly among themselves while Kudo-san and his wife told us some amusing stories about staying in America. They had arrived a few days earlier from the States for the birth of their first grandchild. Despite Ran-chan's protests, or maybe because of them, they had decided to stay at a nearby hotel instead of at home. Heiji was laughing at something Kudo-kun just said while I was focusing on what Kudo-san was saying. The food was delicious and Ran-chan was beaming since everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves which meant that she succeed at her job as a hostess.

            I was still ignoring Heiji. 

            Alright, to be honest, _he_ was ignoring me too, but I decided that me ignoring him was a better idea than him ignoring me. So I stuck to my belief that I was the one doing the ignoring. Childish yes, but sometimes, it was all I had to fall back on. Pathetic huh?

            I didn't think anyone noticed it though, since there _was_ so many of us. I figured anyone who thought something was a bit off between the two of us would chalk it up to tiredness or something. 

            I should have known better.

            So it came to be that after dinner, Kudo-kun's parents left along with Ran-chan's, leaving the four of us to wash up. Or rather, the two of them since Kudo-kun refused to let Ran-chan to even enter the kitchen. Said it was slippery or something. I was beginning to think I know what Ran-chan meant about killing him. My job was primary to keep Ran-chan company, or calm her down in this case, while Kudo-kun and Heiji washed up.

            I confessed that I was a bit worried for the dishes, but apparently, while Kudo-kun wasn't very good at cooking, washing up was fine for him. And Heiji, who didn't want to lose out to Kudo-kun, was being extra careful with the dishes to make sure he didn't break any of them. When will they ever grow out of this habit of competing with each other?

            So we were sitting around in the living room, waiting for the men to join us. Ran-chan was channel flipping and I was just looking into the fireplace, thinking of various things and sipping cinnamon tea. It was my favorite. I hadn't expected Ran-chan to remember it since I only told her that once in passing, but she did. I was surprised and touched that she went into so much trouble for me. 

            She tried several times to start up a conversation with me, but when I didn't really respond to her subtle inquires, came to the conclusion that I wouldn't say anything with the two boys in the house. So when Kudo-kun and Heiji came into the living room, she just looked at Kudo-kun and arched one eyebrow. 

            My heart clenched. I think that was when I realized what that feeling I had at the pit of my stomach was. Jealousy. Ran-chan didn't even have to say anything, but Kudo-kun caught what she wanted perfectly. I was jealous of what they had, what they shared – knowledge of each other so deep that words were not needed. I wish I had that with Heiji. 

            "I'll be back sometime around eleven. Don't wait up for me." Kudo-kun kissed Ran-chan once on her cheek then ushered a surprised and bewildered Heiji out the door.

            The door shut softly behind them. Ran-chan switched off the television and put down the remote. Then she turned and faced me.

            "Would you like to talk about it now, Kazuha-chan?" 

            I sighed. There was really no way I could put this off any longer. I hadn't really thought Ran-chan would catch on so quickly. I figured that maybe I could spend a few days with them just catching up on their news then later on, when we alone, I could broach the subject. Talking about it the first night in Tokyo wasn't in my plans. Unfortunately for me, Ran-chan had different ideas. 

            "Was it really so obvious, Ran-chan?" I smiled wryly at my friend. 

            "Only to someone who knows the two of you."

            "I didn't know we were so transparent to those who knew us." I really didn't know how to start, then decided to just go and let what will come, come. I took a sip of tea to calm my rapidly dissolving nerves.

            "My mother is setting me up for a match-making session. When I go back to Osaka."

            I heard a shocked gasp from the direction where Ran-chan was sitting. I was really looking at her, but was concentrating more on my tea, just trying to get it over with. "You're not serious."

            I nodded a bit wearily.

            "And you're going along with it?" Ran-chan's voice was getting a little high. Was it really so difficult to picture it?

            I shrugged. "What else can I do, Ran-chan? I'm not young any more. I am getting sick of all those pointed questions about my marital status every time I visit my relatives. Not to mention my parents nagging." I sighed. "I'm tired, Ran-chan. Tired of everything. My job, my relatives, my friends, my life, period! But I think that what I am tired most of all is Heiji." 

            "Hattori-kun?"

            I nodded. "Ten years, Ran-chan. Ten years. More if we count the times we knew each other when we were small. And through out it all, he never gave me an indication that he wanted to progress our relationship further."

            "I…I am just…just so tired." I wanted to close my eyes and just forget all about it. I just want to sort of make all of this not happen. I just want everything to go back to normal between us. I just don't want to care about anything else anymore! 

            I wanted to cry, so very much. It just struck me now, just how at the end of my tether I am.

            Ran-chan closed her eyes and leaned back against the sofa. "Kazuha-chan? How much do you like Hattori-kun?"

            I blinked. I wasn't exactly expecting that question. How much do I like Heiji? 

            "Maybe I should rephrase that. How much do you _love_ Hattori-kun?" 

            "How much do I love…Heiji?" I was stunned. Of all the questions I had expected from Ran-chan, I had not expected this one. 

            "Yes. How much do you love Hattori-kun, Kazuha-chan? Enough to save him when he is in danger?" Ran-chan's hand was idly fiddling with the necklace around her neck. 

            "Yes!"

 "Enough to die for him?" Ran-chan opened her eyes and leaned towards me.

"Of course!"

Ran-chan smiled. "Enough to wait for him?"

            I opened my mouth to answer. Then closed it. I wasn't only stunned. I was absolutely flabbergasted. And was feeling a little ashamed, now that I thought back.  I love Heiji. I know that very well. If he was dying and needed my help, no matter how dangerous it was to me, I would help him. If I had to die for him, I would. 

But I didn't love him enough to wait for him. To wait for him to love me back. To wait for him to tell me he loves me. What does that say about me? Do I really love him? Or was I only telling myself I love him if I can't even wait for him to be ready? Was I really so shallow a person that I put my needs, my insecurities before his own feelings? Was I really so selfish?

Oh Gods. I am. I was all this. And more. 

Was Heiji important enough to me for me to wait for him? 

If I search myself thoroughly, I must say that the answer here would be a tentative yes. But that answer was buried deep down inside of me. Under all the recent stress and pressures. Under all the sly nudges and winks my relatives and friends gave me every time the topic came up. And under all the behind-the-back whisperings and the disappointment I felt every time Heiji doesn't say anything. I am a confident, accomplished young woman, but I was still prey to the dictates of what society deemed proper for women: Marriage, a home, a family, children. For all of this, I was willing to give up Heiji. I shake my head in self-disgust. I was really pathetic. If I really dig even harder down into my psyche, I would find that all those recent quarrels I've been having with Heiji was nearly all my fault. I had been trying to push him to at least make a move. Never mind that he may just decide to give up on me and move on. I was just going to push him to make a decision on us. On our current situation. Just because I was tired of everything. 

I am truly ashamed of myself. I hadn't thought about Heiji's point of view at all. I was only thinking about me, me, me and only me. Not about him at all. Was this really how I was going to show him how much I loved him? By pushing him into admitting something he wasn't ready for and maybe just destroying any chances we might have together? I dropped my head into my hands. I was coming up against some things that I would rather stay hidden. Some part of me that I had chosen to ignore because it wasn't a nice part of me. 

This day is just getting better and better.

            I felt arms drawing me close and I just kind of gave up there and then. To my utter chagrin, I started crying. Huge heaving sobs and tears that I have not shed since I was twenty years old. I just let go of everything and just cried my heart out in Ran-chan's arms. I was just so tired. I had nowhere else to go. Everyone is expecting something from me. Something I was not ready for and I didn't want so I tried to just dump everything onto Heiji's lap. I was a failure and I hated the person I had become. I had let my surroundings envelop what individuality and self I had and just became what people expected me to be. I have lost myself, somewhere in between all those years. 

            And now I was trying to get Heiji to do that too.

I cried even harder when I realized this. Oh Gods. I really didn't like myself very much just now. Hated it a lot. And I think Ran-chan realized this because she just let me cry myself out and didn't press me for any explanations. After I had cried myself out, Ran-chan made me wash up a little then put me to bed. And because I was feeling so exhausted and sorry for myself, I let her. I am going to be so embarrassed come tomorrow morning and feel horrible for imposing on Ran-chan, not to mention that bout of self-pity I was wallowing in, but now, I was just contented to let her baby me a little. 

"I've made a huge mess of things, haven't I, Ran-chan?" I murmured drowsily. 

Ran-chan smiled. "No, Kazuha-chan. You had simply lost your way somewhere in between, that's all."

"I just want to know how Heiji feels about me." And I swore to give Heiji more space, and not push him so much.

I felt her smooth down my hair with her hand. "Sleep, Kazuha-chan. It can all wait till tomorrow." 

            The last thought before I let darkness overtake me was that I really owed Ran-chan one, for opening up my eyes. 

                                                             ----------------------------

"Ne, Shinichi dear, I need you to do something for me."

"…"

"Stop giving me that look! It's nothing bad!"

"Every time you call me Shinichi dear, you want me to do something I am sure I don't want to, _Ran dear_."

Pregnant pause. (Pun intended) 

Resigned sigh.

"Alright, tell me."

Beaming smile. 

"I need you to talk to Hattori-kun."

Blink. Blink.

"Talk to…Hattori?!"

"I need you to find out exactly what Hattori-kun feels for Kazuha-chan."

"…I was right. Ran! This isn't any of our business! We shouldn't interfere! They won't appreciate us poking our noses into it anyway! We should just let them work it out by themselves."

"Not when they are going to make a mess of things they aren't! Shinichi please. Trust me on this okay? They don't have much time left if they carry on this way!"

"There's more to this than just you poking your nose where you are not wanted, isn't there?"

Outraged spluttering.

"And you are not going to tell me anything."

Nod.

Another sigh.

"Oh alright. Lord knows I can't deny you anything you want."

Saucy grin. 

"And you don't know how happy this makes me."

            Grumbling. 

            "I'll make it up to you. I promise."

            More grumbling. 

            "You'd better. God. Hattori is going to kill me."

            "I'm sure he won't. He likes you. Now be a good boy and go have a nice little man-to-man chat with Hattori-kun. Oh, and one more thing."

            "What?"

            "If Hattori-kun does feel something for Kazuha-chan as I think he does, can you sort of well, err…well…"

            "Ran."

            "IfhereallylikesKazuhachanthatwaycanyouwellsortofnudgehimtogethimtoconfesstoherabouthisfeelings?"

            "…"

            "Please Shinichi, just…just trust me on this, okay?"

            "You're really going to owe me one for this, Ran."

            "I know I know, and I will pay you back. Honest! Now go!"

            "I just hope you will be prepared to put me together again after Hattori finishes with me."

            "You'll be fine. Hattori-kun won't do anything to you. You're his friend!"

            "And I'm your husband. Tell me again why are you sending me out on a suicidal mission?"          

            "Because you and I both want to see our friends happy together and because you love me enough to do this for me."

            Innocent smile.

            Grumbling. 

            "Of all the women in the world, why did I have to marry such a stubborn one?"

            Outraged gasp.

            "KUDO SHINICHI! You just say that again!"       

            Snickers.

            "Love you."

            "I love you too. Now move!"

            Sigh. 

"Yes dear."

-------------------------------

            "Hattori? A sec of your time if you don't mind?"

            "What? Kudo, it's a freaking two in the morning! Can't it wait?" Loud yawn.

            Hard glare. "No, it can't! I know it is two in the morning, but it is all _your_ fault we are having a conversation at this hour, so if I have to suffer, so do you!"

            "What..? What are you talking about? How is it _my_ fault when _you_ were the one that initiated the whole conversation? And what _are_ we talking about anyway?"

            Sigh. Eyes searching heavens, or rather in this case, the ceiling in the guestroom. "Why me?"

            Nudge in the ribs. "Oi, Kudo? Sometime this century?"

            "Alright. Now I have to ask you some questions, and you have to answer them as truthfully as possible. Do you get me?"

            "This is sounding suspiciously more and more like an interrogation." Wary look.

            Smug look. "Then the better you cooperate, the faster it is over, yes?"

            Sigh. "Alright, alright. It seems that I can't escape, so…shoot."

            "Question number one: What do you think of Kazuha-san?"

            Shocked look. "What…I…think…of…Kazuha…?  What the hell brought _that_ on?"

            "Just answer the question. It is very important! You'll know later why. And you must tell me the truth and nothing but the truth!"

            "Have you been watching courtroom dramas again, Kudo?" Suspicious look.

            Vaguely insulted look. 

            "Okay, okay…what do I think of Kazuha…. Well, we're friends. Good friends. Childhood friends. I trust her to do things for me and she trusts me to look out for her. Though there seems to be something wrong with her recently, but that may be just her hormones or something acting up." A shrug. "Sort of like Nee-chan and you really, just without the 'Love' part."

            "Hmm…in-te-rest-ing response. It seems that I have much more work in front of me than I originally thought."

            Confused look.

            "Never mind. Next question: Have you ever been doing something, turn around, expect Kazuha-san to be right behind you and is then surprised that she isn't?"

            "…just where the hell is this line of questioning going?" Confused and irritated look.

            "Just answer the question! Do you want this to end early or not?"

            "Yes! I have! Satisfied now?" Growls.

            "No. But we have _some_ progress. Next, when something _really_ good happened to you. Something that made you jump for joy and be really happy, who is the first person you inform of the good news?"

            Long stare. "Err…something that makes me really happy? Isn't that a little unspecific, Kudo? What kind of thing? I mean, I tell different people different things you know? Like, if I finally solve who Kaitou Kid is, I will be really happy, and the first person to know is you! But, if its like, I get a promotion or something, then its someone else entirely you know?"            

            Snorts. "Yeah right, I'm the one that is going to find out who he really is, and the only reason that I'm the first one to know about it is because you will be calling me to brag about it. But that's beside the point. No, it may not necessary be something related to a case; mind you, I'm not saying that it can't be, but let's just say you suddenly receive some good news, or you finally find something you have searched a long time for, who will you tell first, about it?"

            "Hmm…Kazuha I suppose. After all, she knows me, so she will know how happy I am about a certain thing and will then, be really, _truly,_ happy for me. Not just pretend to be happy for me, you understand? For instance, you tell someone you have some great news, and they will say they are happy for you, but really, they are not, they are just _saying_ it do you get what I mean? Because the news doesn't really touch them or affect them at all. So it's not much use telling them at all. Kazuha however, will understand. So she will be the first one to know." Careless shrug.

            "Makes sense." Nods heads thoughtfully. "So if you know Kazuha-san is unhappy about something, will you try all means to cheer her up and make her happy again, even if you have to do really ridiculous things?"

            "Of course! If she's unhappy, I won't be too happy either you know? Because some part of me will be wondering why is she unhappy, and the other part will be thinking, 'I must think of someway to make her happy'. Besides, do you know how depressing Kazuha is when she is sad? The whole house seems to be pretty gloomy too."

            "I understand. When Ran is unhappy, I want to make things better for her too. To make her smile again. Even if it means I have to do some pretty ridiculous things." A shudder and a grimace.

            Wicked look. "Oh. Ridiculous things eh? Tell me some!"

            Annoyed look. "None of your business!"

            "Hey, now that's not very fair now is it? You wake me up early in the morning to ask me questions about myself and _now_ I ask you something so simple, compared to what you subjected me to just now, you refuse?" Sulky look.

            "Yes I did. And no, I'm not telling. Your point?" Flat stare.

            Raised hands. "Okay, okay. Boy, you sure are bad-tempered today."

"Next question: If a criminal took Kazuha-san hostage, and demands that he is allowed to go free. And you _know_ he can't be allowed to because he is a very dangerous criminal, what would you do?"

            Low growl. "He would be _dead_ before he even _touched_ her!"

            Taken aback. Then a slow sly smirk. "Oh really? That's even _more_ interesting."

            "Huh?"

            "Never mind. What if the dangerous criminal just _happens_ to get hold of her? Hypothetically speaking."

            "I'll save her of course! Then, I will rail into her for getting into such a fix in the first place! What the hell was she _thinking_, letting herself get caught like that?" Snorts. "Idiot woman."

            Rolled eyes. "Figures. You have a rotten bedside manner, anyone tell you that, Hattori?"

            "I do not! And what does this have to do with bedside manner anyway? She's being an idiot, so of course I tell her so!"

            "I wonder just what it is that Kazuha-san sees in you." Annoyed look. "Okay, next question: Say, what if for you to save Kazuha-san, you had to let the dangerous criminal go, something you know shouldn't happen. What would you do?"

            "Save her then go after the criminal and catch him. Besides, even if I let him go for him to free Kazuha, my father's men would most probably already be on stand-by to catch him, so its no loss." Careless shrug.

            "Ah, but what if you can't? What if you can't? Recapture him that is?"

            Rubs palms on legs. "What do you mean 'can't'? Of course I can! There is no such thing as letting a criminal go free! I just have to save her and then go after him again!"

            "Just imagine, hypothetically, that you can't alright?" Exasperated sigh.

            "Oh." Thoughtful frown. "I guess…I would save Kazuha then. I don't have any choice."

            "Ah." Satisfied smirk. "Alright. Next question: Say the criminal wants to kill Kazuha-san. To save her, you will get injured. Maybe even seriously injured. What then, would you do?"

            Annoyed and extremely irritated look. "Just what is it with these questions? They make no sense at all!"

            "They will. Now just answer them!!"

            "Oh okay okay. Hold your horses!" Thinks for a while. "Well, I can hardly not save her can I? So of course the answer should be pretty obvious."

            "Why can't you not save her? I mean, you _will_ get hurt you know? Pretty seriously even." Thoughtful and curious look.

            Gaped. "What?! Not save her? Are you nuts? How can I _not_ save her? I mean, even if it was just anybody on the streets, I would _have_ to save them! Let alone Kazuha! I might get injured yes, but I will recover! But once someone is dead, she's dead! How can you see someone in danger and just sit there and do nothing? Kudo, just what the hell were you thinking?!"

            Holds out hand in surrender. "Calm down! Calm down! What are you so worked up for? It was just a question! I won't leave someone in the lurch if they need it either! Do you really think I am someone like that?"

            Glared. "I had wondered. With that question you asked."

            "Last question. A very serious one now. Think carefully. What if for Kazuha-san to be saved, you had to die? In great agony. Not a clean death, but a long drawn out one?" A pause. "Oh, and if you don't die, Kazuha-san gets too, by the way."

            Incredulous look. "I can't believe you. Yeah, yeah, answer the question." A sigh. "Do I really have to answer?"

            "Yes." 

            Scratches head. "Same answer."

            "Sure?'

            "Sure I'm sure! I said it didn't I?" Grumbles.

            "But it's a very painful and drawn out death you know?"

            "So?" Blank look.

            "Oh." Thoughtfully tapping a finger to his chin.

            "I mean, I was already ready to take the risk of plunging to death with her together at the Mermaid Island and all…so what else is there to consider? I was willing to die then, I am willing to die now." Matter-of-factly spoken.

            "And you still doubt that you love Kazuha-san?" Spoken matter-of-factly back.

            "Huh?!" Bug-eyed look with jaw hanging open. Said jaw tried to work. Once. Twice. Didn't work.

            Hand raised up to gently close the open trap hole on what is Hattori Heiji's shocked face. Smirks. "Surely its not _that_ much of a surprise now, Hattori?"

            They say third time's the charm. Jaw tried working again. This time, it does work. "Are you CRAZY? ME? Love Kazuha? That's a joke!" Snorts in disgust. "Please don't tell me that you kept me awake all night just to tell me this? I will be seriously pissed if that is so, Kudo. Friend or no."

            Raised eyebrows. "Oh really? You are accustomed to having her around; she is the first person you run to when you have something happy to share; you can't stand having her unhappy; you would let a dangerous criminal go free for her sake; you would save her without regard for any risk for yourself and you would even die for her sake; does it sounds like someone who doesn't love her? Don't kid yourself, Hattori."

            "That's different! I care about her because she's my friend! A very good and close friend! I would do the same thing for you too! I would do everything I said for her because she is my friend! Nothing else!"

            "Are you sure? Are you sure you will also risk your life and face certain death, even for me, Hattori? Think carefully now."

            "…"

            "Can't answer me now can you? Stop kidding yourself Hattori, and face up to the facts. You love Kazuha-san. Have loved her for a very long time. And now its time for you to owe up to that fact to yourself and do something about it! Before its too late!"

            Dazed look. "Look, I care about Kazuha-san. Very much. Maybe I may even love her, but it's more of like a sister-brother kind of love, not the kind of male-female kind of love!"

            Time to bring out the big guns. "Oh, you sure? Then it shouldn't really upset you to find out that Kazuha-san is going to a matchmaking session when you both go back to Osaka now, would it? And the fact that she is thinking very seriously about accepting it?"

            Sounds of something ripping.

            "Hattori! Those are new bed sheets!!"

            "She what?!" Low growl. "How did you find _that_ out? Surely she didn't just tell you that?"

            "I got that from the listening bug my father planted in the living room three years ago when he and my mother came back for a visit to find Ran and I in the middle of a cold war with each other. I never got around to disabling it."

            "…" More ripping sounds.

            "Your family is weird, Kudo."

            Shrug. "I know. And Stop Ripping my bed sheets!!"

            "Sorry."

            "So now what are you going to do?"

            Head buried in hands. "I don't know, Kudo, I really don't know. It's too much to take in, at 2am in the morning. I…I need some time to think things through though." Heavy sigh.

            "I know it's too much to take in all at once, but Hattori? Don't take too much time. I don't think Kazuha-san will wait for you to make up your mind any longer. "

            Sigh. "I realized." 

            A pause. "Just what is preventing you from acknowledging the fact that you love Kazuha-san? 10 years, Hattori. I've known you for nearly 10 years and even then, I could see that you like her. If I hadn't pushed the issue tonight, would you have gone on this status quo forever?" Head cocked to one side.

            "…I don't know, Kudo. It just never came up. And I suppose I thought that if I left everything alone as it is, things won't change and we will just keep on going as we were. I was HAPPY with what we had! I thought SHE was happy with what we had too. There wasn't ANYTHING wrong with our present relationship, why did she have to ruin it all by getting match-made? Why can't she be contented with what we have?" Frustrated.

            "Hattori, you have lived on this Earth for nearly thirty years, and you still haven't figured out that women look at things differently from us?"

            Heartfelt groan. "Just drop it, Kudo."

                                                            ---------------------------

            The next thing I knew was sunlight flittering through the windows. I winced and groaned, trying to bury my face deeper into my pillows. It can't be morning yet. I had barely fallen asleep! Then I frowned a bit. There were some noises downstairs. And the smell of hot coffee. Was it time to get up already? Groaning, I cracked open one eye and peered at the clock by the bedside. 

            9.28 AM.

            I blinked once. Twice. I was in this timeless moment where my brain and my eyes just refused to connect together. My eyes were telling me '9.28AM' while the brain kept saying, 'OhmygodIcan'tbelieveititjustisn'ttrueIamstilldreamingitcan'tbe9.30amnow-becausebreakfastisreallyat9amandIjustCannotBeLateOhshitohshitohshit'.

            The next thing I knew, I was hitting the floor at dead run and running for the bathroom adjoining my bedroom. 

            I had this feeling today was going to be a long day.

                                                ----------------------------

            I was so sure my face was going to spontaneously combust by the time I made my way down the stairs. Between last night's crying fest and this morning's late rising, I would be lucky Ran-chan still wanted me in the house, let alone invite me back for another visit again. 

            I tried to tiptoe inconspicuously into the dinning room where breakfast was served. Fat lot of good it was going to do with the two top detectives of the country in the room. Of course, one of the detectives was currently involved in trying to get his very pregnant other half to 'Eat more fruits because they are good for the baby' and 'No, don't take any more harsh browns! They are too oily!' 

            The room was a really lovely thing of art. Large glass windows provided ample natural light. The walls were an understated light brown and cream white. Hardwood shelves with porcelain plates and other dishware arranged in artfully covered two of the walls and small side tables were tucked at some corners with vases of flowers or a lamp on top. In the middle of the room, a large long table sat, covered with a white tablecloth with breakfast laid on it. A chandelier hung above it. The only thing that marred the perfect setting was the heavy scowl on Heiji's face as he sat at his place at the table, glowering at me.

            Predictably, the first word out of his mouth when I stepped into the room was an insult.

            "Ahou! It was about _time_ you got here! Were you planning to sleep the whole day away? I would have thought you would at least have the decency to come down for breakfast on time when you are a guest in someone else's home!"

            A note to everyone else here: I am _not_ a morning person as my family can tell you. I am always very grouchy and grumpy between the short time interval of opening my eyes and having my first cup of coffee in the morning. Sensible persons in my family have learnt this the hard way and know always to have a mug of black steaming coffee waiting in the kitchen when certain 'thuds' and 'bangs' sounds can be heard from my bedroom.  

            Heiji does not really know this. He isn't really a morning person himself. Worse than I am, in fact since high school, I was more often than not the one who ended up banging on his door and dragging him out of the bed so that the both of us wouldn't be late. He got a bit better though. 

            Back to business. I am, as I said before, not a morning person. Add in the fact that I just had a terrible night before courtesy of my crying fest and that tiny little bit of resentment I still harbor towards Heiji…Well, I expect that no one would really blame me for my very typical response now would they?

            I glared at him. "Well, if it wasn't Mr. I-Can't-Make-It-To-School-On-Time-without-10-alarm-clocks-and-Kazuha-pounding-on-the-doors! That's just so Pot calling the Kettle back! Don't you dare yell at me! This is all your fault! You were the one who insisted on calling me at 2am in the early morning on the day we were supposed to leave! Asking me if I remembered to call the airline company to confirm our tickets back home because _someone_ forgot _all_ about it! I had to spend the rest of the morning running around, calling everyone and everything because _you_ forgot! Idiot! Is it any wonder I overslept this morning?"

            Without waiting for his indignant reply, I swung around and turned to face the other two silent and gaping spectators in our little drama. "I'm very sorry, Ran-chan, Kudo-kun, for being late for breakfast and having to witness this. Someone," I spared the time to skewer Heiji with a heated glare before turning back to face my host and hostess. "Just don't know when _not_ to push. Now if you would excuse me, I find that I have just lost my appetite for breakfast. Ran-chan, do you still want me to go with you to the shopping mall?"

            Ran-chan nodded slowly. "Yes. I thought we would go after breakfast and take the car. Shinichi won't let me drive," she made a face before continuing. "But you can, can't you?"

            "Alright. I see you later then, Ran-chan. I'm very sorry for making such a big racket so early in the morning. If you would excuse me, I shall take my leave now." With that, I swept out of the room with as much dignity as I could muster under the circumstances. Along with my cup of trusty black coffee. So much for trying to have a new start with Heiji. Plans just don't bear up against first contact with the enemy. 

                                                ----------------------------

            Back in the dinning room, the three people left in there looked at each other. Then Heiji moaned and dropped his head on the table.

            "I just messed everything up again, didn't I?"

            Shinichi tried very hard to suppress a snicker. He really did. "You sure did pal." He took a sip of his own coffee. Ran gave him a nudge at his side and shook her head at him. _You shouldn't be so unsympathetic to Hattori-kun_, it read. 

            "Shut UP, Kudo."

            Damn. They never let him have any fun. 

                                                ----------------------------

            The next few days pasted somewhat uneventfully. Comparatively speaking of course. There was just that small accident with the oven and the toaster. Ran-chan suddenly decided to bake a cake. Why, she didn't tell me but I suspect it was just to rile Kudo-kun up because she wasn't supposed to. Anyhow, she argued that she wanted to bake a blueberry cake. According to her grandmother's recipe. One that cannot be bought in stores, so it threw the idea of just buying one right out of the window. She would not take no for an answer. So to prevent his wife from 'overexerting herself', Kudo-kun decided to bake one himself. I had offered to help, but he declined, muttering something about his honor and manhood being at stake. I supposed Heiji had dared him to do it again. When will they _ever_ grow up? 

            The end result was that we had to have takeout for dinner for one whole week because the kitchen was out of order and Heiji spotted a most _smug_ look whenever he looked at Kudo-kun.

            Then there was the garden incident. Professor Agasa, in an effort to be helpful, offered to mow the lawn for the Kudos because Kudo-kun was so busy taking care of Ran-chan. He used his new invention. The garden was sealed up after that and they had to replace the patio doors. Ran-chan laughed till her stomach ached and even Kudo-kun was heard trying to hold in his snickers as he consoled a very remorseful Professor.

            Of course, not everything that happened was laugh worthy. Two days into our visit to Tokyo, Megure-kebu called Kudo-kun, and Heiji too since he was there, in for a case involving a serial killer. Kudo-kun wasn't keen to leave Ran-chan, but she forced him to go. Which he did, albeit reluctantly. Then Ran-chan stayed up all night worrying about him, only to raze him to the ground when they finally returned back to the house at around 4.30am in the morning spotting some bruises and blood. I myself was up all night along with her. Because she needed company of course. Not because I was worried about stupid Heiji. Please. Why should I be anxious about him? It wasn't any of my business if he got hurt or not. He had showed me that he really didn't _care_ about me or how I felt. Why should I give him any satisfaction that, yes, I was worried? 

            But in case anyone was wondering, he wasn't hurt much. Just four scratches on his ribs and another two up his right arm that drew some blood. There were also some bruises around his neck, as if someone had strangled him tightly, and a sprained ankle. Nothing serious. I wasn't worried about him one bit. Not at all. He can take care of himself. Just because he was a stupid jerk that didn't care about his own health and personal safety when investigating a case wasn't the reason I ended up in a shouting match with him about insensitivity and irresponsiveness at 4.45am in the morning. Really.

            Alright, so I _was_ a little worried about him. I am mature and big enough to admit that. But the worry was just a little bit. Nothing like the nail-biting, hair-pulling tension Ran-chan was though. And my fingernails are perfectly fine! They are just…short. 

For the next couple of days I tried to avoid him; it was my way of saying that we both needed a chance to cool down and think. I wasn't exactly angry with him, or embarrassed about the fact that I had lost my temper.  It was...just…we had been so heated, I wanted to give the both of us a chance to cool down and really think things through.. To give _me_ a chance to reconsider if I really wanted to go further with Heiji in our relationship if all we ever did was just argue and quarrel even when I was doing my hardest to rein in my temper and emotions. I don't know what _he_ did during those days. I can only attest to my own thoughts during this very trying period of time. 

            It wasn't easy, this sorting out of what I really want and what were the remains of a young girl's hopes and daydreams. Humans are notorious for knowing others better than themselves; most notably for seeing other people's relationship problems rather than their own. I guess it's because of the angle of objectivity that allows that. I don't know. I just knew that if it wasn't for Ran-chan, I would have just given up a long time ago and made up my mind to go home and get married to someone I don't know. She just seemed to know when I needed to be alone to sort things out and when I need company, even when I don't realize that myself. 

            Like that time when I almost lost my temper at Heiji again over some small issue.

            I had stomped out of the house to prevent myself from yelling at him. Again. I hadn't expected anyone to come after me. For one, Heiji was just at furious as I was, so he certainly wasn't going to. For another, I don't think Kudo-kun was close enough to me that he would come after me. He had his hands full trying to calm Heiji down. And I thought Ran-chan's condition would have stopped her from stepping out of the house. How wrong I was. 

            I was seating at one of the park benches, stewing in my own anger when she waddled up to me. I jumped up then and quickly help her sit down. Later on, I would look back and feel guilty and ashamed that Heiji and I had given them so much trouble with our problems. This trip was supposed to be for their sake after all. To keep Ran-chan from committing murder while awaiting the birth of their first child. Not to help sort out problems between their two confused and pigheaded friends. Now however, I was still too angry to feel anything else, so I just sat beside Ran-chan and thought uncomplimentary thoughts about Heiji and wishing Ran-chan would just leave the hell of me alone. 

            I told you I wasn't feeling my best. And I was furious to boot. 

             The silence between us stretched out like along road in which you can't see the end. Then she broke it. 

"Why did you leave?"

            I stared at her. I thought that would be pretty obvious, wasn't it? "I just wanted to think for a while."

            Ran-chan was silent for a moment. Maybe she would finally take the hint and just go away. 

"Okay. I'll think with you."

Damn. I sighed. I knew I couldn't do anything that wasn't outright rude to get her to leave now. Another long pause where neither of us said anything. I didn't know what she was thinking, but my thoughts were filled with how I wanted to skewer one Hattori Heiji and then slow roast him over a fire. Okay, so sometimes I'm a little bloodthirsty. Only when I am very mad though, and right now, I was pretty mad. Furiously mad. Enraged. Burning with fury and all the like. I wanted to murder someone. Preferably with the initials H.H. I wanted to break something.  Something snapped and I realized I just did. Somehow, a twig had found its way into my hands and it had broke under the pressure I was exerting on it without me knowing. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Again, Ran-chan broke the silence first. She seemed to be trying to get me to talk about my feelings a lot these days. I don't know if it was a good or bad thing.

"No."

"Oh."

Silence again. Silence seemed to be very popular ever since I came to Tokyo. 

So we had just sat there, no really talking to each other, each immersed in her own thoughts for three whole hours while passer-bys shot us weird looks. We didn't care. Well, I didn't, but I don't think Ran-chan cared much either. It wasn't as if we were doing something wrong. There isn't a law that said it was illegal to be sitting on a park bench with your pregnant friend, shooting angry glares at anyone who passes by and thinking uncomplimentary thoughts about a guy, is there? 

I don't think so. 

So we said there for three hours until the sun set and Kudo-kun came to fetch us. Or rather, fetch his wife, but I figured I was included too, even though I had given them enough trouble ever since we came to Tokyo. Heiji was trying unsuccessfully to lurk in the background, but with his height, it was kind of hard to do so. 

The walk home was awkward. Very awkward, especially since Ran-chan and Kudo-kun had done that 'communication without speech' thing and had walked off by themselves, leaving the both of us to catch up.

I studiously avoided Heiji's eyes and just walked stiffly beside him. 

"Kazuha." I ignored him. My anger hadn't dissipated completely yet. 

"Kazuha." He tried again to catch my eye. I kept walking.

"Kazuha!" He tried a third time. 

"What?" I snapped finally and turned to face him. 

He froze for a moment, then frowned slightly before taking a deep breath. "I'm very sorry Kazuha. I didn't mean it when I said you were too useless and weak to come with Kudo and me. I was just…I was just worried about you okay? I don't…I don't want you to get hurt and…" He stopped. "I didn't mean all those things I said earlier. I am really very sorry. Please forgive me?" He had put on that pleading expression again. Damn him all to hell. I could feel all my anger towards him dissolving away like sugar in water. He was worried about me. How could I fault him that? I could feel myself softening towards him already. Why am I always putty in his hands? Damn him. A few words and I was all ready to forgive him. How pathetic was I?

"I…I'm sorry too, for what I said. I didn't mean it. I was just so angry…" I trailed off, unsure how to continue and looked down at the pavement before me. 

We just stood there, neither looking at each other before deciding mutually to just forgive and forget and follow our long-suffering hosts back home. Just before we went into the house however, Heiji stopped me. He was very carefully studying his shoe. 

"Yes?" I was feeling tired and weary after all the fuss and just wish to take a long nice hot bubble bath before turning in. I wasn't really in the mood for another argument or whatever he was planning. My tone was pleasant though. At least, I thought it was. 

"Are you…are you doing anything tomorrow?"

I just frankly stared. Tomorrow? Why is he asking me about tomorrow? He knew as well as I did we are accompanying Ran-chan to the hospital tomorrow for a last check up. All four of us are going. So why…?

I suppose I must have just stood there and stared at him for a long time because he started to fidget nervously. "Kazuha?"

I shut my mouth with a snap. I hadn't even realized it was hanging open. "Err…well, didn't you forget we are going to the hospital tomorrow?"

He gave me a look that clearly said 'Duh!' and I resisted the urge to deck him there and then and just heard him out. It was hard, but I did it. I think I deserve points for that if anyone was listening. "I mean after that of course! The appointment is in the morning and it shouldn't take up much time, so I was wondering…" Heiji was looking at his shoe again. I wonder what was so interesting about it. "Would you like to go out, and have a lunch, with me? Kudo told me about this really nice café downtown and I thought, well, you might like it. This would let the two lovebirds have some time together alone. I think they need it, and from what Kudo was hinting just now, he thinks so too."

I hurt. When he first spoke, I thought he was finally going to make a move on me; that he finally got a clue and was now going to do something about it, but after hearing him out, there was only a dull ache in my chest where before there was a flickering of hope. He was only suggesting we go out because Kudo-kun wanted some quality time alone with Ran-chan and not because...I shook my head sharply. Kazuha! What were you expecting? You should know better than that. He never felt anything and from the looks of it, he never will. When will you learn to stop pinning your hopes like that? I sighed inwardly. Suddenly, I was just so very tired with everything. I don't think I could cope with anything more today. Not today. I just want to go wash up. Wash the whole horrible day away with water and go to bed.

"I don't think I have anything on after the appointment, so yes, I guess I will go for lunch with you tomorrow. Lord knows Kudo-kun and Ran-chan needs a break from us." I shrugged and turned away from him so that he would not see how disappointed I felt. "I'm feeling very tired right now, so if you would excuse me," I left him as quickly as I could without running, not wanting to face him now. I was just too tired. I need a rest. 

I returned to my room, ran the bath quickly and just wallowed in the bubbles, trying not to think too hard about things. It was hard but somehow, I managed. Now, I just need to get past tomorrow without arguing with him again. Please. Just let me go through one day with him without an argument. That's all I ask.

                                                ------------------------------

            "You just had to add the last part, didn't you?" A disapproving voice shook him out of his thoughts. 

Heiji scowled and turned to face his friend. "What? I asked her, didn't I? What did I do wrong now?"

            Shinichi scowled back. "Dense as I may be about relationships and females, I must say you are even worse. You don't see do you? What you just did?"

            Heiji just stared back in confusion. Shinichi sighed. "I pity Kazuha-san. I really do." He turned and started towards the kitchen.

            "Wait! What do you mean? I asked her didn't I? Just as you suggested! So what did I do wrong now? Oi! Kudo! Don't walk away! Answer me damn you!"

            Shinichi just rolled his eyes and didn't answer. _Baka_. _Why do I even try to help him? Oh yeah, Ran asked me to and I felt sorry for Kazuha-san. Silly me. How can someone be that clueless about females and relationships? I mean, even I wasn't this bad!_

The last thing Heiji heard from his friend before Shinichi disappeared into the kitchen was "Bedside manner, Hattori. Remember, bedside manner."

            That idiot was really frustrating!

                                                ------------------------------

            The next day, I woke up to rain. Heavy rain that came in torrents, complete with loud thunder and clashes of lightning. The sound it made was horrendous. The picture it formed was magnificent. The sky was a deep, dark purple, nearly bordering on black, with occasional white streaks zigzagging across the sky, lighting up the landscape. The heavy rain beat against the windows, drenching everything it fell on in seconds. 

            I have always loved loud thunderstorms like this. I don't know…there was just this _power_ about it that defies Man's attempts to replicate it. Everything was so raw, so unformed, and so powerful. It was something that belonged specifically to Nature alone. And I loved it. When I woke up, I spent nearly 10 minutes just looking out of the window, enjoying the play Nature provided just for me to see. Contrary to everything, these thunderstorms tend to calm me down rather than make me shrink away in fright. I just love thunderstorms. No one I know loves thunderstorms as much as I do. I guess I'm weird that way. Besides, something nice always happen to me on rainy days. 

            I glanced at the clock by the bedside and noticed it was nearly time to get ready for the check up. Reluctantly, I dragged my eyes away from the window and headed for the dresser.            

            Humming softly to myself, I combed my hair and then tied it up securely with a piece of ribbon. Inevitably, when I finished my morning ministrations, my eyes would fall upon that one thing that had never left my side ever since I got it. The omamori. Picking it up from the dresser where I had placed it before bed last night, I fingered it absentmindedly. What would I do with it then, if I really went through with the matchmaking session Okaa-san had arranged for me? Throw it away? No! Instinctively, I clutched it to me tightly at that thought. No, I wouldn't, _couldn't_, throw it away. No matter how much a painful reminder it was, I just simply could not throw it away. It had been with me too long, it had became almost part of me, part of the identity that is Toyama Kazuha. I won't be complete without it. 

            Even if Heiji was not with me. 

            Strange, how something as small as this would have became so important to me. It had begun as a sort of a plaything; I had taken the pieces of the handcuffs and made them into two omamori. One for me and one for Heiji. It signified our friendship, and, as time went by, a sort of protection for Heiji, when I wasn't around to look out for him. When it worked, I began to believe even more, that somehow, in someway, the omamori was helping me keep Heiji safe. So much so that I think even Heiji himself-as not superstitious as he is- believed in it. 

             Sighing, I placed the omamori back on the dresser. I wonder what Heiji thought of it, of this little trinket that had accompanied the both of us through the years. Did he still thought of it as a bother, something he kept with him simply because I nagged him to do it? Or did he think of it as something more, like I do?

            Darn! It's almost time. I'm going to be late again! Too much time spent procrastinating. Quickly gathering up various odds and ends scattered around my room and stuffing them into a bag, I prepared to go. Then my eyes caught sight of the omamori again, lying on the dresser, almost accusing at its present position. I only hesitated a little while before snatching it up and hurrying out the door.

            Pathetic. That's what I was. Simply pathetic.

                                                ------------------------------

            In the living room, I found Ran-chan and Kudo-kun arguing over what shoes she was going to wear. Ran-chan wanted to wear her normal shoes, which had a slight heel, while Kudo-kun was adamant that his very pregnant wife wore flats. It was amusing if it wasn't for the fact that Ran-chan's face was getting redder and redder by the second. She looked like she was about to explode. Of Heiji, there was no sign. 

            Time for me to earn my keep. Squaring my shoulders, I moved to break up the rapidly escalating argument. 

            Five minutes later, Ran-chan was triumphantly wearing her normal shoes while Kudo-kun tried very hard not to glower at me while he carried the necessary things to the car. It was then I noticed someone was very conspicuously absent.

            "Where is Heiji? Isn't he coming with us?" I was trying my very hardest to sound nonchalant and uncurious. I thought I succeeded until I saw the glances that passed between the couple. Darn. I need to work more on my poker face. 

            "He had something to do first. He will be meeting us at the hospital," Kudo-kun was sounding deliberately neutral.

            "Oh," I said. There wasn't really anything much I could say to that now, could I?

            I did, however, spend the rest of the ride to the hospital staring out of the window at the falling rain and trying not to think about just what Heiji was up to so early in the morning. And out in the pouring rain too. He had never liked the rain as much as I did after all. 

            The check up went pretty well, and the doctor had to reassure Kudo-kun that yes, his wife was perfectly fine, and no, there isn't a need for a qualified nurse to stay with them in their house until the baby was born. I had rolled my eyes at that. Kudo-kun was really carrying things to extreme. If he carried on like this, I wouldn't stop Ran-chan from murdering him; I would help her myself and then claim self-defense from irritating male to the judge. 

            Heiji arrived at the hospital after the whole thing was over, soaking wet and dripping water all over the floor. I just managed to stop myself from glaring at him, but I think I was sort of glowering at him, or maybe there was a pissed off look on my face that I wasn't aware of because he seemed a bit nervous about approaching me. 

            Kudo-kun was smirking just a little as he pulled Heiji around a corner to talk to him about something, leaving me to help Ran-chan into the lobby. I wonder what they are up to now. 

            Minutes later, Kudo-kun drove the car to the entrance of the lobby. As I helped Ran-chan into the car and was about to get in myself, Kudo-kun stopped me. 

            "Kazuha-san, Hattori will be coming along soon. He asked me to tell you to wait for him here."

            "Heiji? Wait here?" Then I remembered what he said yesterday. "Oh." Pause. "Okay then. I'll see you soon. Bye!"

            I watched as the car drove off and then turned back to wait at the lonely lobby, sighing. This was going to be a really long day.          

                                                ------------------------------

            To my surprise, Heiji didn't made me wait too long before he arrived at the entrance on his bike. Now even wetter than before despite the windbreaker he was wearing. He handed over my helmet and gave me a hand while I hopped onto the usual position behind him on the bike. Securing the helmet on my head, I leaned forward and clasped my hands around Heiji's waist. Just being in this very familiar position was enough to lift my spirits and make me feel somewhat better. I sighed and breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent that was as familiar to me as my own, if not more.  

            Heiji drove us along the road, weaving in and out between the cars and other vehicles that were in front. He was driving just a little too quickly for a rainy day when the roads were slipperier, but I didn't say a word. I trust his skills in this, if not anything else. Rain continued to pour down on us. I was already drenched by the time we reached the highway that led to the outskirts of Tokyo.

            I blinked. I hadn't thought of where exactly we were going and so hadn't ask Heiji. "Where are we going?" I yelled through the heavy downpour. 

            "What?" He yelled back.

            "Where. Are. We. Going?" I shouted even louder.

            "Oh! You'll see!" He managed to grin back at me through his wet helmet and then looked back forward again. 

            I cursed a little as he gunned his bike and then start to speed up. "Heiji! Are you trying to kill us?" I tried to scream in his ear. 

            "Just trust me in this okay? Don't worry! It'll be fun!" He shouted again. The bike went even faster until we were nearly flying along the highway. I tried to muffle my screams in Heiji's back with my eyes closed as tightly as I could and just clung onto him, holding on for dear life. 

            He was going to _pay_ for this if we get out of it alive.

                                                ------------------------------   

            Luckily for us, there wasn't much vehicles around the highway at this time of the day. For I think then even Heiji's bike's skills would not have been enough to spare us from a accident. He was speeding that fast. Till this day, I still get a shudder whenever I think of it. 

            He left the highway soon and drove up a side road I hadn't seen before. I mean, a road which Ran-chan and Kudo-kun hadn't shown us on our trips to Tokyo. I was surprised Heiji knew about it to be honest. Kudo-kun must have told him about it. He had slowed down a little when he reached the end of the road, and then turned up another road that led up to a small hill. The rain had lightened a little as we made our way up the winding and slippery slope up the hill. Mud flew up around us as the bike ponderously made its way up. 

            This had better be good. My shoes were ruined!

            Finally, we reached the top of the hill. Heiji drove the bike to a stop and hopped down. I was just about ready to rail into him for scaring me like that when he extended a hand to help me off the bike, something he hadn't done before. I blinked once, taken aback before accepting it. Damn him. He was behaving really weird today, surprising me at every turn. I don't know whether to be happy about this or not.

            Heiji led me towards edge of the top of the hill. Then he turned away from me, dug around his pockets for something, took a deep breath, then turned to face me again.

            And dropped on one knee. 

            "Kazuha, would you do me the honor of being my wife?" A corner of my mind was noting that his voice was just a bit higher than normal and shaking a little towards the end. He held out the box the had been rooting in his pockets for. Inside was a very pretty diamond ring. 

            My brain promptly stopped functioning. 

                                                ------------------------------

            So there we were, the two of us, standing ankle deep in mud on top of a nameless hill over looking the Tokyo skyline beside Heiji's bike, soaked to the skin, with a faint drizzle still around us; and Heiji, on his kneels with a ring held out in front of him towards me. Proposing to me in what Ran-chan later proclaimed, with a huff, so _unromantically_.         

            _I_ thought it was just so awfully romantic.

            I must have looked very silly then, with my mouth wide open and eyes as big as saucers, gaping at the solemn Heiji in front of me. This was certainly _not _how I had envisioned my first marriage proposal to work. Yes, I had daydreamed about when Heiji would _finally _get a clue and propose marriage to me, and then I would have flung my arms around him and shout 'Yes! Yes! YES!' to all and sundry while he would then scope me up and whirl me around, laughing happily. Then we would have a nice June wedding. 

            But to my utter dismay, when the deed _finally _happened, all I could do was stand there and do my best imitation of a landed fish.

            My brain had come to a screeching halt and just simply _refused_ to work beyond repeating the words "ohgodohgodohgodheaskedmeheaskedme!" over and over again. If I had been able, I would have rolled my eyes at myself. 

            As you have probably gathered, my brain does not work very well under shock and surprise. 

            Heiji had begun to fidget under my stare and was starting to look just a little panicky. I suppose when you propose to someone, and that someone doesn't react but just looked at you with this very silly expression on her face, you would have probably start to get a bit worried and nervous. "Kazuha? Kazuha? Are you alright? Please answer me! Don't scare me like that! Are you okay? Did I...did I scare you? I'm sorry I'm sorry! This is all Kudo's fault! He said this was what you wanted! That this was what would make you happy! I'm so sorry! I should have known better than to trust him. Please don't be mad Kazuha? Kazuha? Answer me please!" His voice was definitely getting a bit shrill at the end. 

            _That_ snapped me out of my shock and simultaneously dropped me down from the high I was feeling from his proposal. Wait a second. Backtrack. Kudo-kun? Happy? I narrowed my eyes. This was definitely getting a little bit fishy around the edges. And I do _not _like fish! 

            I growled. "Hattori Heiji. You just explain what the hell is going on here!"

                                                ------------------------------

            Ten minutes and one lengthy explanation later, I was perched somewhat dazedly on the bike while Heiji paced around me, nearly pulling his hair in frustration at how his proposal had gone. Apparently, he had gone out early this morning to get a ring at Kudo-kun's advice that he doesn't drag things on any longer. That was what was behind the whispering at the hospital. Kudo-kun was asking Heiji if he had gotten the ring. 

            Kudo-kun really needed to mind his own business if he wants to see his baby born. Someone remind me to kill him when I next see him.

            I sighed. My heart was aching again and I rubbed my chest absentmindedly. I should have known that things had been too good to be true. Heiji hadn't wanted to propose to me because he loved me and wanted to. He proposed to me because he didn't want to lose my friendship and me when I went back to Osaka and accept the matchmaking session my mother had arranged for me. Apparently, he really didn't think of me _that_ way. But I should be happy at least, that he cared enough about me to propose marriage simply to prevent losing me, shouldn't I? Cold comfort I guess. It was flattering in a way, but just so very disheartening. Misguided too. 

            "Heiji?" He stopped and looked at me, eyebrows frowning.

            I took a deep breath and continued. This was going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I was going to let him go. For good this time. "I...I really appreciate your gesture. I really do. But Heiji? You don't really love me. Not that way. And...and while I am happy that you care enough for me to do this, this isn't what I want. You won't be happy this way, and neither will I, because sooner or later, you will meet someone you really love, and what then? So, no, Heiji. The answer to your question is no. I won't marry you. Trust me, Heiji. We won't be happy that way."

            I closed my eyes and gripped the seat of the bike tightly. Don't cry now, Kazuha. Don't disgrace yourself. This is not the time. Cry later. Finish this first. "I can promise you one thing though. That even if I do get married to someone else, our friendship will never change. I may not spend as much time with you then, but I will always be your friend. Really." Please please just let it go, Heiji. Don't push this anymore. It was too tempting to just accept what he was proposing. So easy to just fall into the illusion that he really loved me and that he was willing to spend the rest of his life with me when we both know it wasn't true. I wanted so much to accept this. But I can't. My knuckles had turned white as I gripped the bike seat even harder.

            I felt his hand reach up and cupped my face. Wiped away a tear that had, unnoticed by me, escaped my tightly shut eyes and rolled down my face. I hoped he thought it was just another stray raindrop that had strategically rolled down my cheek. I forced myself to open my eyes and look at him. His face blurred and I had to blink twice to get rid of the excess moisture. Get hold of yourself, Kazuha! I bit my lip and looked down.

            Heiji tilted my face up again to face him. The expression on his face was so gentle and soft. Something I had never seen before in all the years I have known him. I wanted to look away. I could not see this now. Not when I have decided to end all this. I can't possibly chose this time to fall even harder for him. I tried to look away again, but his hand held my face firmly in position. 

"No, Kazuha, don't look away. Listen. Listen to me. Just...just listen okay? I'm not very good at this. All this relationship stuff. Its complete Greek to me. And...and lord knows that I am not very good with words and all. But I want you to know something." He took a deep breath again. "I love you. I really do. It may have took Kudo to get me to admit this, but I really do love you. I may not show it easily, or say the three words frequently, but what I feel for you is love. I myself don't really know when the feelings I have for you changed, but I want you to know one thing. When Kudo told me that you were thinking of getting married when we return home, my first thought wasn't of losing your friendship. It was the horror of losing you to another man, the thought of not having you by my side ever again and the sight of another man that wasn't me by your side. I am probably putting this very badly; I am not good with words. But I just want to get this across to you: I am not proposing to you because I fear losing your friendship and what we share. I am proposing to you because I want to. Not because of what anyone said or suggested but simply because I love you and I want you by my side, for the rest of our lives if possible. Please believe me, Kazuha." And then he leaned down and gently kissed my lips.

            The shock I had before was nothing compared to this. But my body seem to know exactly what to do while my brain was still floundering around in uncharted waters. I kissed him back. This lasted for quite sometime before we broke apart, slightly breathless.

            I reached up to touch his face. I could feel tears had swelling up again. I was turning into a regular water-sprinkler today. "Do you really mean it? Heiji? You're not joking? Because if you are, this is a really tasteless one," I choked out. My feelings were currently in a jumble. I didn't know what to think, or what to believe any more. 

            He smiled. "No joke, Kazuha. I love you, I really do. Believe this, if you don't believe in anything else." Then he kissed me again. My brain just gave up and shut down at that point and I concentrated on kissing him back. For a second kiss, it was way better than the first. 

            "So?" Heiji asked me, a familiar smirk on his face again after he let go of me.

            "So what?" I raised an eyebrow and reached out to brush his wet bangs away from his forehead where they hung limply. They were obstructing my view of his profile. A stray thought came to me about just how pathetic I was with regards to him, how he just wiggle his finger and I come running, but I ignored it. I didn't care about that right now. All I could think of was he really did love me, and I love him and we are having that June wedding after all. It was all I could do to keep from grinning widely.

            He rolled his eyes and I had to resist decking him. I really hate that expression of his. "Will you marry me?"

            I smirked back. "Well..."            

I knew good things always happen on rainy days.   

                                                ------------------------------   

As a sort of epilogue to the story, I kind of figured that turnabout was fair play-even though technically, I owed her one-and that Ran-chan wouldn't really want to argue with a woman in my condition anyway. Which brings me back to my current situation. Ignoring Heiji's increasingly frenzied hammerings at the bedroom door, I checked to make sure the lock was secure then waddled awkwardly towards the telephone. My current size makes it a little hard to maneuver in small spaces.

Fingering the two omamori that hung at their place of honor by the dressing table, I dialed a very familiar number. 

            "Hello? Ran-chan! It's nice to hear from you too. What do you think about coming over to Osaka for a short trip with your family? It would be fun and Kudo-kun could help me keep Heiji out of my hair…."

~Owari~


End file.
